Random Gay Black Yuppie

Keep you head on and don't let the bullshit faze you!

2011-12-20T20:20:00.001-08:00

Just my words of wisdom to myself this day! =)

Type A...In Denial

2011-11-20T03:06:00.000-08:00

Why fight it!?

iPhone 4S eh?

2011-11-18T01:57:00.001-08:00

12 years of Verizon Wireless, almost all of them with Motorola phones, except for my ill-fated stint with the LG Dare, and I finally jump over to iOS.

Well I'm sick of things that start with 'i' It's starting to feel a bit too last decade. But iGiveUp. Anyways, 2 weeks with the thing and I "get it". It's a wonderful platform for getting consumers to spend money. Particularly for Apple to make money. The UI and the experience is for the most part a polished affair. Coming from 2 years of Droid goodness, I can appreciate the efforts there. As a software engineer, I can appreciate the obvious tradeoffs made between functionality, simplicity and quality. I get a sense that "make it simple, make it work" were the guiding themes here.

I've been a big fan of most of the Moto-phones I've owned over the years. The v60i in particular will always stand out for having been pretty, sturdy and in possession of the most ridiculous battery life of any phone I have had (and sadly it probably will retain that record). One thing Motorola never got right to me though was the camera software. It was always decent in sunlight, and always horrid in low light. And it was consistently horrible. The Droid even...always grainy. And nothing was more frustrating to me than watching the software try to adjust the picture, usually swapping quickly from what looked like a great adjustment job only to settle at grainy ridiculousness....le sigh! The LG Dare was my attempt to stay on Verizon, and it had a decent camera (at least for the time), but the underwhelming experience nearly drove me to AT&T until the Droid came out. Verizon's first truly open phone. It was a worthy competitor to the iPhone. 2 years later, it's slow and out of date, and I found myself confronting a few choices:

- Sort through whatever the high end Android combinations are (potentially another Moto - though I think some of them are getting unnecessarily big - and the camera *still* isn't better) and watch a newer, "better" phone come out every month.

- Finally fulfill my iPhone curiosity and give in to the hype.

So I gave in, and said I'd give it a try. There's a few things I imagined would happen that came to pass. All of them involved spending money, in large part to Apple. First I upgraded Mac OS X so I could get iCloud (30$), then I went to the Apple store and bought a case using the mobile app which allowed me to scan/purchase right from the phone and walk out the store - no lines (which was pretty cool...and 30$). Then I downloaded the Starbucks app and scanned my latte purchase using it (never got it to read off the Droid - awesome - and i had to reload my card for another 25$). Then I contemplated paying 15$ to update iPhoto to get iCloud integration. Then I thought about this for a minute...

It's so genius really. So easy to spend money. Get em in the ecosystem and make em pay for the features. And then I think about the Droid. Well it's not as polished on the UI side and the app store is a free-for-all. But even 2 years ago, my photos sync'ed via Picassa for free and were accessible on the phone. Easy Gmail integration already had me used to free cloud service support. Granted Google has been a tad unpredictable with their offerings, but I never felt some compelled to shell out the coin, nor did it ever seem so easy. I miss the google nav app. I've yet to find anything to come close really. I like the iTunes music integration though. That is unsurprisingly as slick as its always been. And I like iMessage.

I also like the Apple contacts management a tad better than Google's services. It just feels more naturally organized. Of course, Google has been getting better (and for free...I expect some day I'll have to pay Apple to upgrade when they figure out a better way of doing things). I was surprised to find I had to dig a bit to figure out how to integrate all the stuff from my Google cloud into my iPhone. Seemed the answer ultimately is export from Google and import into iOS so that you can take advantage of iEcosystem integration capabilities. E.g. off the G-crack and onto iCrack. I'm not fully switched yet (e.g. my G-Calendar), but its a good excuse to clean out my contacts finally.

I also miss the "back" navigation on Android. But I also found Android was inconsistent with maintaining state of apps. So far iOS (which makes you go back to the home screen generally) has consistently maintained state, so I'm usually right back where I left off (even if I had to jump to get there).

It's pretty early on, so hard to say where I end on it, but no regrets at this point. And it's just so damn pretty! LOL. The camera btw...I love it!

Braces at 31 still suck...but they at least get better

2011-10-12T00:52:00.000-07:00

or I'm just getting used to them. So here's some fun details of my experience 3 months in.

- Oh how neat it is that my bite seems to change all the time. Kinda weird at first and then simply fascinating and sometimes annoying after that. I hear that will eventually stop happening, but every few days or so I notice my bite has changed a little bit and different teeth seem to touch different teeth.

- I no longer pick which side to chew on. After a couple weeks, or however long it was before I could really chew again to notice that my bite is at least roughly the same on both sides.

- Adjustments so far are a mixed bag of pain. First couple days after getting em on were uncomfortable not not really painful. Took 2 weeks to be able to really chew again (but hey, I lost weight). And then my 2nd adjustment led to one side being soooooo unbelievably sore for 5 days that I couldn't chew on that side. Seems to always come around eventually though.

- Yogurt, overcooked veggies, tofu, soup, pasta, ice cream. They are indeed friends now. Worst mistake ever....the day I ate only yogurt and ice cream.....oh...I don't think I'll ever forget that!

- Definitely notice other folks teeth now. Lotta folks had braces when they were younger and you can tell if they wore their retainers or not. Also other people tend to share their experience with braces.

- I'm much better now with the oral hygeine. Once you see pictures of calcified teeth, you'll want to make sure you don't get them. Getting floss in though still annoys me. I've gotta try some of the options.

Braces at 31...they suck!...but if you're on the fence just do it!

2011-07-11T00:49:00.000-07:00

So in typical fashion...it takes almost 20 years for me to get em. I procrastinate and wait and wait and them just BAM up and get em.

At first they tell me it only takes a year, and I'm thinking "well, that's not too bad." Then they mention how they need to pull a top teeth (ala Tom Cruise) to align my much less crooked top teeth and close the gap..."well, perhaps". Oh and then the bit about getting implanted molars to replace the impacted ones you lost 10 years ago because your dad cheapened out of getting you braces when you were 12 so the oral surgeon had to remove them at 17 and now your top molars are descending and will fall out eventually..."cringe cringe cringe". They don't recommend Invisalign because it'll take longer and cost another grand...or perhaps they want more of the money? Who knows...anyways, they tellme I can use a retainer instead of implants as an option and I give in, and whaddaya know, they have an opening at right that moment and have all the xray equipment in house.

So there I am sitting in the chair. Pretty easy process, little pressure when they install the wire, and the ceramics really aren't that noticeable. I guess to give up a year of my crunchy taco bell taco eating, soda drinking, apple biting, gum chewing life I'll deal, although 2 things stood out as the most immediate and annoying side-effects and I didn't see it coming:

- can't eat...lol. It's like being on a forced diet. Teeth are way too sensitive to bite. Yogurt, soup, soon dooboo, you are my friends now. I hear that part gets better, but we're not there yet. Oh and food gets stuck in em...gross!

- flossing takes forever. Actually day 1 it took forever. Day 3, it takes about 10 minutes. Suddenly I'm threading floss between individual teeth and trying not to yank on the wire, but then it gets caught on a bracket, and then i try to pull it out but it starts to tear and now that part is stuck on a bracket...agggggh!!!! annoying!

Thank god I can still drink, although I hear i'll need to save red wine for the day before they replace the brackets. I hope I don't start getting grade school flashbacks too...bleh! On a positive note, there's a bit of mental goodness to doing something like this for myself. It will require a kind of patience and sacrifice that I generally don't summons for myself anymore. Go figure!

As a software engineer, I'm offended by Grindr Android

2011-03-15T01:23:00.001-07:00

Lol. So much better to get it out.

All I gotta say is if I had an app that had blown up the gay iphone world and there was a sea of untapped masses hankering for something to replace Encountr et al and I was the market leader and the expected savior to bring... Well I dunno really what Grindr brings to the table except more neighbors to voyeuristically spy on, or well...you know...but where was I. Oh yes! I would've made damn sure my app was tested on a wide variety of platforms and ready to ascend to its rightful position as the market leader. Spending 2 years getting to android only to crash out , lose profiles, drop saved data does not a good impression make. To make matters worse, the launch was accompanied by a 1 week free trial of that madness in case you wanted to buy that "premium service"...SMH!

I expect it gets better from here...but man...way to shoot yourself in the foot walking in the door! =S

I just read my old blog posts...it's almost as bad as hearing yourself on a tape recorder or answering machine (for those who remember such things).

Putting the randomness in the RGBY

2011-02-08T02:10:00.000-08:00

Iconic no? Big Ben! My first trip overseas and yet of everything I saw: Heathrow, the Underground, buses, taxis, Look Left, ridiculously old architecture and english accents, nothing quite stirred up that "whoa I'm in london" moment than the moment Big Ben revealed itself as the Big Red tour bus turned the corner. It took me back to first grade. Big Ben was always to me the icon of London, it was what I drew knowing nothing else. I'm amazed when moments grab me like that. It really doesn't seem to happen that often anymore. Makes me wonder if I will have those moments if i go to Australia or Asia or even Paris. No doubt only one way to find out.

3 weeks into ambien withdrawl after over 2 years of the stuff on and off. Sleep anxiety hasn't so much crept in as burst head on into my life. I guess this is supposed to be the chance to confront whatever really keeps me from sleeping. As usual, I retain my skepticism until proven otherwise.

I am back into my tennis now though. As the woman who strings my racquets put it...it was less of a break from the sport than the people. How true of so many "breaks" one needs. And looks like I get to be more involved in GLBT employee activities at work. This should be interesting. It'll at least add a layer to work that should make it more interesting. As always, time will tell.

2011...meh!

2011-01-22T11:02:00.000-08:00

New year...and finally a new post. Almost a year later. Here's what been floating in my mind the past year:

1. Never ever take Ambien. It is evil...actually it is good...TOO GOOD...the withdrawal is evil!
2. BMWs and Macbooks are essentially the same, overpriced but they'll make you smile.
3. I'll never work for another startup again.
4. "No strings attached"....a myth!
5. Always keep learning
6. Stop procrastinating.
7. It's not as bad/hard/meaningless/etc as you think it is.

New year...yet alls the same

2010-01-06T02:24:00.000-08:00

Well maybe not everything... I turned 30 after all. Suppose that's always fun, although for some reason it took a little getting used to. I guess that's not really surprising considering that its one of those "timeline" moments in life. Now though I feel pretty good. Seem to have settled into work. Tennis is back on track. I'm losing weight again. Still have a pretty good set of friends to go get in trouble with. Family is doing well. At the moment I am content. Now to find a date worth taking to the U2 concert in June =)

Redirect

2009-12-11T04:03:00.001-08:00

Ahh the feeling....of being 30. Lol. It has the dual distinction of being "just another day" and yet being the perfect time-line point in ones life on which to reflect on things. I guess lately the reflection has been more on love than anything else. I did recently come out to my brother though which closes the chapter on coming out to immediate family members. Its not like he didn't know...but I had never *told* him...so it was nice to get that out of the way. I also just came back from a big trip to SF to celebrate my bday. Since it was with the usual cadre of travelling/drinking buddies, we were getting pretty messed up. But I guess I've been going through a boy-crazy spell that's been messing with my head. Fortunately a little coming face to face with some of the craziness of it has put things back in perspective and I'm re-focusing on myself.....or so I try =)

Dont get it twisted!

2009-11-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

I hate the weird feeling. That feeling you get when u meet someone and you like them but you have no clue if the feeling is mutual. I like to think I don't stress things like this, because ultimately it doesn't yield anything useful...but the truth is have a knack for stressing over the unknown. Good quality to have if u're a software engineer...but shitty after you go on the first good date in a long time. Agh!

More myself?

2009-09-22T02:29:00.000-07:00

A nice little thing has happened the past 2 weeks. I haven't had to take a single Ambien for the last 10 days. This is so odd because I've been on the stuff almost daily for the past year. Sometimes needing to take 2 pills. Particularly during the time I was laid off and it seemed like it was impossible to land a position. I knew once I started this new job that I probably didn't need it but it was hard to ween myself off, but after cutting back to half a pill, I've finally become comfortable with just falling asleep the good ole fashioned way. Its really a nice feeling to have, as any insomniac must know.

I guess it goes with the theme of recovery and the next stage of self discovery that I feel I've been experiencing this year. Recovering from the layoff and the old job that I didn't particularly like. Recovering from all the craziness of my old tennis coach. Discovering the ability to just trust myself more, and preparing myself mentally for the transition out of my twenties. I'm sure a lot of it is that I'm working again. I like the job. I like my boss. I want to do well in it. Its a feeling I haven't really had at work in a while.

Tennis is in an odd place for me at the moment. I've talked with a couple of the other tennis gays about what went down, but what I gleaned from the conversation was more insight into them and how they work than any new thoughts on the situation. And now I'm going to play for our league as part of a team heading up to LA in a couple weeks, at a level I haven't really competed at. I'll give it my best, but more than winning, I just want to enjoy the experience. Tennis has seemed so painful earlier in the year. Winning that doubles tourney was a nice way to turn it back around, but the experience caused a little loss of innocence...if you will. In any case, I've decided for myself that I'll just enjoy my time playing and focus on getting back in super shape and perhaps take lessons again with another coach when the time is right.

And speaking of getting in shape, I'm back in diet/gym super mode. I'm determined to be a hot 30 y/o =)

US Open is over....tennis gets boring again

2009-09-16T01:43:00.000-07:00

Oh gawd...I'm burnt out over tennis at the moment. After winning that tournament, I've played 2 more in doubles. One we lost right before the final, and the other we lost first round against one of the guys we beat easily in the last final, though he had a newer, better partner. We were kickin their butt too, but alas didn't hold em off. My partner has been a lil on edge as well. I get the sense he's been playing too much, cuz he broke his racket during one of the last matches we played.

Anyways, the US Open was fun this year. Kim and Melanie and Serena...oh my! Serena to me had a ghetto moment....lol...but i'm so stealing that line "you better be fuckin right" for one of my matches cuz I know there have been some times......lol....i'll leave it at that.

Federer loses another close 5 setter...enh! Least he looked good. Not like he has anything left to prove anyways. Kinda wish Roddick had gotten further.

For me, I will probably take a little break from tennis after October. I gotta play team tennis, but I want to focus more on workin out and gettin back in shape in the last part of this year so I'll be ready for the next season, and next summer =)

And I'm finally feeling really comfy in my shoes at work. I'm not popping ambien every day like I was for the last year. Work is busy but not too busy. Pays well. Domain is interesting...and my boss doesn't drive me up a freakkin wall :) All in all, not too bad.

Oh how good it feels!

2009-08-03T22:42:00.000-07:00

...to win my first Usta tournament. Regardless of what's happened with my old tennis coach, I always had the self belief that with the right partner I could win a doubles title and this past weekend validated that for me. I also got the opportunity to talk with a few people about whats happened with the whole coaching situation and try to find other folks I can consider. I suppose ultimately though I feel pretty sad about the way things ended. My coach was someone I looked up to and respected for their skill and I suppose anytime you work with someone who mentors you for a few years, its a bit unhappy to have to end that relationship. As a person though, I can't really say I respect his behavior in a lot of ways, and I certainly felt that the relationship was a toxic one for my confidence these past few months. So in the words of one of my friends, I've decided its time to move on. I'll take all that I've learned and just work on building it up. Its good self validation for me to take this step.

Looks like its time to move on

2009-07-28T01:55:00.000-07:00

Bah! I'm done with this tennis coach. What kind of professional finds it quaint at all to embarrass one of their well paying customers of 3 years in front of total strangers. I don't need this shit, I've been a walking/talking/tennis playing billboard for his technical teaching prowess for quite a while now, but the mental costs are too high. Never an apology. Never not once will he apologize for anything other than feeding a ball out of reach and even that has the feeling of a well rehearsed line. So much drama...too much drama...and I don't freakin need it! Ugh!

Now enough of venting =)

Ooooh gay pride comes to town...

2009-07-19T23:55:00.000-07:00

and so it was this past weekend in San Diego. The gays descend on town and the whole rainbow lights up Hillcrest. Me and the crew of course made it our duty to show up to the evening events but the ridiculous cover kept us at only a couple places. And this time we had help from some peeps from LA who made their way down. It also was the first time I decided to find out what a circuit party is "really" like. My only impressions of it have come from what others have told me and my own ability to imagine the worst based on pictures and videos and crap, e.g. drugs and shirtless drugged out white muscle boys galore dancing away high on E or meth or whatever and hooking up all to bring home their diseases....lol....or something like that. Anyways Popsicle was around and only 30 bucks so I figured why not. I'll stick to my vodka tonic and see what its like to be at a party that ends at 5am...eesh! Ultimately it ended up being pretty cool and ridiculously draining. I somehow thought I'd need to be out of my mind to enjoy the thing, so I drank just a teeny bit more than I probably should've...but not like "Vegas" drunk...haha! For starters, for 30 bucks I got a sense my money was actually going somewhere. The place was huge compared to most gay clubs. The fog machines were going full blast, so it never got too clear like it usually does. The light show was pretty good with the required laser and a huge LED screen behind the DJ. The DJ's mix blended pretty well and sat somewhere between dance pop mix with trancey stuff....good nonstop dancing shit. The gogo boys were ridiculously hot bodied, and the dance routines seemed better choreographed. And then the shirts came off...lol. Not only were there some way out there costumes in the place but I really wonder if some of these folks live only to workout and go party. Anyways a lot of hot bodies and a few not bodies in there as well. And people dance nonstop, and I did see some E dropping and seemed like some of the party folks knew each other from wherever, but it was no more ridiculous than what goes on at any other club most of the time. I left pretty burnt out at 3am. At that point I don't wanna be out anymore and I don't wanna take whats required to forget that...lol.

Also went to the festival which seemed smaller this year. Fewer vendors, fewer folks, smaller name performers. Kinda weird really. Gotta imagine the economy has a lot to do with that. I was really tired too so that didn't help me. Maybe the highlight of the weekend for me was hanging with my friends at Starbucks on University doing our own bitchy commentary as the parade of leftover gays walked down the street, and just catching up on things. Seems like thats always the case anyways.

Week 5

2009-06-29T02:41:00.001-07:00

So far so good at work. Things are looking well. I'm adapting, learning interesting stuff. Things are moving forward, so that's nice. The economy is still crap though but I'm feelin pretty happy to be where I'm at considering all that's gone on the past year. Still kinda amazing to think that this little journey started off almost a year ago with an announcement of getting laid off and hunting for a job and getting offers and hiring freezes and yet another layoff and trips to vegas, picking up a roomie, new car, the tennis coach craziness, the lame boyfriend, the constant stream of youngins that followed, and now...for a brief moment...some peace. Maybe its more than coincidence that I saw the movie The Beach for the first time this weekend. That sense of escape...all wrapped in a big ball of a confusing plot...but chances are its just a coincidence.

And now here we are with Michael Jackson dead. Was a bad weekend for celebrities in general no? I dunno....in a lot of ways MJ died years ago. The physical transformations, his facial metaphors for the breakdown going on inside. So much of it seems like what is bound to happen to a man who can't possibly grow up. He was doomed so long ago it feels. But perhaps he is out of his misery.

On a happier note, I had a great realization this weekend that I've been playing tennis now for about 5 years since picking it up on the regular. Been a while since when I broke up with my first ex and started playing D level tournaments to this weekend where I was playing very good tennis with A and Open level opponents. Nice to see that tennis still provides the outlet I need when these crazy ass guys are doin their thing.

Back to work

2009-06-01T01:00:00.000-07:00

Amazingly enough, Monday sees me back to work. Orientation at 645am. Good god! They clearly don't know my usual pattern. Looks like I'm gonna have to adjust to being a morning person. Which is actually fine with me. More details after this first day is over. So far though, I'm excited and nervous. And my god, Nadal lost today. Federer must win the French this year.

Oh and by the way...

2009-05-20T01:32:00.000-07:00

So the job hunt is finally over. I got the offer and am starting Jun 1. Hopefully this will turn out to be a much better experience than my last job. It's a fairly big company and they supposedly take good care of their employees. One thing that worries me slightly is I will have to adjust to waking up a lot earlier than I'm used to...but ya do what ya have to do. The nice thing is, contrary to the dumb ass recruiter who said I was gettin overpaid, they actually upped my pay from the last company, so that made me happy. On top of all the other benefits, its a great package.

In fact, 2 days after I got the offer, I booked a ticket to Honolulu and spent the week there. Love it. Totally relaxing. Great food. Fell in love with poke and li hing candies and zippys and learned how to cut up a pineapple. Now if only they weren't so damn expensive.

To close out this little period before I go back to work, I'm doing a trip to vegas this weekend with friends. No doubt this will be a kick ass weekend =)

And the verdict is....

2009-04-29T03:50:00.000-07:00

apparently a hung jury on whether or not I get a job. So I'm waiting to hear from a pretty big govt contractor here in SD about a position I interviewed for over a month ago. Apparently they've created the req for me, but now need the okay to fill it with someone external. Ugh...we'll see.

Today I strung a tennis racket for the first time ever. It's actually not too terribly terrible, just takes some skillful fingers. The really nice thing is the shop that I'm stringing at is right next to the beach so the drive there is really pretty and if I walk out the door of the shop, voila! Ocean!

Oh and today I was ordering a burrito from Chipotle. I love em, but they kinda gross me out when they make them. If the counter isn't full of shit from the various trays or salsa, they use their damn gloves to pick food off the counter or out of the beans and go right back to making your burrito...ewww!

So now...

2009-04-04T04:01:00.000-07:00

...we wait. I've interviewed. I think I rocked the interview pretty well. I mean I studied my ass off. I even studied my ass off for a 20 minute phone interview, which was pretty cool. And I can break out my people skills on demand. I was even able to speak coherently about technologies that I haven't used...but I understand the theory and get the gist of how it works. Thats pretty cool to me. So as usual, I don't think the problem for me is to pass the interview, its just getting the interview, which is also somewhat depressing. But alas, gotta keep my head up.

Sadly I overslept my tennis lesson Wednesday morning, which I really hate because it just gives my coach more ammo for being an ass. But ya know, that's fine, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just gonna have to take the bad with the good. Good instructor and leave it at that.

I did buy a new tennis racquet though. That makes me happy. I also have gone out a bit more which is kinda nice...though at this point, I'm really looking forward to working again and having disposable income once more....blah

Thank god Indian Wells is over

2009-03-23T04:51:00.000-07:00

Because it almost makes me wish I lived in Miami. Then at least I could see Serena and Venus. And the Fox Sports coverage of the event the last two years has made me want to cry. We could've tortured people in Cuba with the nonstop ramblings, repetitions and ridiculousness that is Justin Gimblestob's commentary. At least this year the new guy was okay and Lindsey Davenport surprised me by being a fairly decent commentator. She had the voice and everything.

This week I suddenly have to revive my engineering self as I actually have job interviews. It's like, wham bang out of nowhere. A phone interview and 2 onsite interviews. All at companies that I believe largely focus on projects in the defense industry. This would indeed be a new one, but could be a good opportunity for me as well. We'll see how it goes

Back from the bay

2009-03-05T04:36:00.001-08:00

So off to San francisco I went. I was expecting a crazy weekend of partying with a lot of booze. Well there wasn't quite as much booze as I expected since my friend was suffering from a bout of gout. But there was a lot of fun and there was a lot of asian gay clubbing. Which I think after this weekend, I've gotten my fix of for quite a while. In any case it was fun, and everytime I visit San Francisco, a little bit of me wishes I lived there.

Friday nite was supposed to be a trip to some place called Toad Hall. Weird name. I didn't actually get to go inside since my friend I was meeting there came stumbling out while leaning all up and down on his new boy. But it looked nice from the outside, and didn't seem as crazy crowded as Badlands and its usual madness. Instead it ended up being a nite out at Dragon. Which one of my friends calls Dlagon. This time I never made it past the bottom floor, which is probably a good thing because the top is usually overly crowded. A friend of mine works there and gave me the hook up with the drinks...so that was nice. Oh and apparently the Bar on Castro is now the Bar on Church. We discovered it after having dinner at Home....lol....love all these names in SF I can just throw out there. One of my friends' friends was right...the outdoor seating was part of what made Bar special, and without that it's just another bar/club.

Saturday nite was Shangri La at Endup. I was already burnt out on seeing asians prance around from the previous nite. And tonite everyone was out in full force for a couple bday parties of folks I knew up in LA. Least it's a big place. I had fun. Nothing special though....just another nite out. We ended the nite at Lime on Market, which I discovered is possibly the most pinoy-rific place I've been to. And a lot of folks were dolled up in their hip hop wear...is that what it is??? LOL. I dunno. I guess I was sobering up. I felt a little weird in there. And then some guy didn't leave the bathroom when I went in to pee. Now depending on how sketchy I may or may not be feeling at the moment....lol....nevermind....let me just say, not cute, and i'm pee shy....so nutthin was gonna happen there. Brunch and some final bar hopping and a Virgin America flight back to SD, and that trip is in the books. Good times!

And then Monday...followed up with my tennis coach. Needed to clear the air if you had read my previous blog. Well I was a little thrown because things seemed back to normal during the lesson/workout thing. I still made a point to talk to him after it was over. Told him I felt like he was acting like he didn't know me. I apologized for not calling, but told him I needed space and so on and so forth. In a manner very typical of him, lol, there was no admitting anything on his part, just an attempt to clarify what he might have told someone else who told me he was upset. In any case, it's not worth repeating, cuz it was nothing special. But least I think we've moved beyond that. Though in my head, it's one of those "oh you're like that" moments. Ya know, ya learn how someone works, you realized a little better perhaps something you didn't before and you decide to work with em in a way you can going forward. Do what ya gotta do I suppose!

I really don't like this one...

2009-02-26T05:50:00.000-08:00

Funny, I haven't had to deal a whole lot with "friend" drama over the past few years. There's been a rough spot or two at times with a couple of them, but in general if they're worth it, we get together, have lunch or dinner and all is forgiven/forgotten and ya move on. Ya know...adult shit! Weird thing goin on right now with my tennis coach though. There was about a 2 week span in January I didn't return any of his phone calls, didn't set up lessons with him, pretty much I was avoiding him. Frankly, I was feeling a bit suffocated by him. Ya know we'd hang out on the side sometimes...cuz ya know...I'm laid off, he has time to kill during lunch, but at times he can just call too much and wanna hang out too much. It was pretty bad during that 2 week span because I wasn't sleeping, so I was sleeping in super late. His phone calls were in the morning and I wanted to sleep in so my phone was in silent mode, and at one point, he banged on my condo door at 11am until I woke up so we could grab lunch. On top of that, I never told him how much it was startin to piss me off all for the silly reason that I've seen how much drama he's had with other folks in the past, and I try to just avoid any confrontation with him all together. Irony of ironies, because that has led to the current situation where he doesn't call at all, and during my most recent lesson this week, acts like he barely knows me, focusing solely on the tennis. Oh and then my last phone conversation with him a few weeks back had him telling me he wasn't gonna call anymore because I'm a flake... I guess. I mean i feel bad that I didn't return his calls, but this passive agressive stuff is reminding me a lot of my old boss, and seems kinda beneath a 37 y/o. Jeebus, to be friends you have to always be on call??? I guess some folks need more attention. In any case, I'm gonna try to talk to him next week to see if we can be grown ups about this and move on because I can't have friends I can't be honest with and I can't do lessons in this kind of environment.

My roommate seems to think that he'll be reasonable, yet I dunno. Maybe I'm just being my overly rational self, but I don't hold out a lot of hope. Just the vibe I get from the guy, he seems to me...unforgiving. But I guess we shall see.

In the meantime, I'm off to san francisco this weekend for some good ole drunken fun with the SD/LA crew...can't wait!

Maybe one more thought...

2009-02-14T04:02:00.000-08:00

...on my old job. =)

You know the one with the company that's now spamming the airways with those damn ads probably up until April 15th. Well anyways, I decided a long time ago to "forgive my boss"...for what I consider an uninspiring run as my manager and being passive agressive, and ultimately not sticking up for me....which oddly enough she admitted as kind of a passing thought (I believe without even realizing it)...but if you've read my earlier posts or worked with me then it might come as no surprise. One of these days I'll forgive myself for not leaving that group long before it all even happened.

So anyways, it comes to mind because as some of you know I've ventured to Vegas a few times of late. Largely to take advantage of the free rooms and freeplay that they're handing out in droves at the present moment. Rumor has it most people play stupid in vegas, and I sure as hell played stupid at work the past couple years. At some point in the past, inertia made me lame and complacent, but I take solace in knowing I stood my ground where I thought it was needed. I rejected bad ideas, although by not towing the line, I probably set myself up for the tone that preceeded the messiness of it all. So the goal, now that I'm throwing myself full throttle at the search for the next venture, is to find something i will be passionate about, and perhaps just as important, recognize a bad situation for what it is and get out. Sounds like a variation on the alcoholic's prayer...lol

More random thoughts from a mind that should be sleeping at 3am

2009-02-10T03:10:00.000-08:00

I would think I would be more focused on sleeping at this hour, but I dunno. I've been an evening person since college, and for me college is where it feels like my story begins. At least the story of me as I know myself now. I think back to 8 years ago when I was a senior in college, sitting in Boston crying my eyes out trying to come to terms with myself and being gay, and I don't know exactly how or why what happened to me back then did. But it was some random morning in January of 01 after I'd been up all night crying my eyes out, worried about going to hell or worried about losing the love of my family, or some other such thing after what was probably a good week or two of not being able to figure out an easy way to off myself (I mean really, straight people have no idea the mental hell that coming to terms with your own sexuality puts you through), that I made a timeline on some peice of printer paper lying around. The timeline was supposed to represent my life. The year 2001 was sitting smack in the middle of that page with a few milestones to the left, perhaps representing when I graduated or was baptized or started college. To the right was a long line into a cloud. The cloud representing life going forward. I had not the slightest idea what was out there, but that I was gonna be true to myself. I felt like I had discovered what faith meant in that moment...or as Hewbrews would call it "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen". And in what must be the ultimate irony of that last sentence, it was then that I decided I was done with the church I was involved in, and decided to just live my life, for better or worse.

Not sure exactly why I got all reflective there, but probably had to do with stumbling on a box I put away back in Jan 04 after I had broken up with my first long term boyfriend. We were in a relationship for 2 and a half years, and it was my first serious relationship. For some reason I never threw that box away, but it housed a few momentos and tokens and letters and cards that I couldn't bring myself to throw away back then. I threw away a ton of clothes and some other stuff but kept the little box. In any case, I browsed through it earlier today and a few thoughts went across my mind:

Wow, I was a really good lookin guy. Lol. And given that I'm in better shape now, I probably still look pretty decent. And man we were cute together. I know some of my friends might not have thought he was "all that"...but we were a cute couple.
And then of course I had to realize what a different person I was back then. Not wholly different, but a person of different experiences and thoughts. There was a nice innocence to it all then. Today I see the same person but more....ummm..."forged" if you will.

I think it's good to look back to then, before the condo, and the huge ass tv, and the bimmer, and the most recent ex, and the most recent fucks, and everything else...lol. Particularly in light of whats goin on now and having to hunt for a job and continue building this lil career of mine and writing out the story of my life. Sometimes feels like that U2 song "Faraway, so close...". Oh wait!....I think the grey goose is wearing off. =)

A tale of two buck chuck, or booze in general

2009-02-09T03:38:00.000-08:00

So as I couldn't sleep on Sunday nite, I decided to give a 2 month old bottle of Two Buck Chuck Merlot a try. My roommie had some left over from his bday bash, and given that he doesn't drink, figured I might as well compare it to the stuff I had on a late nite binge of wine, cheese and salami. Which by the way is a *great* way to kill a couple hours. Fat and booze...yummy! I tried to google reviews on it, but it seems like wine judging is as subjective as trying to figure out if a certain color is green or blue. It just really depends. Seems to me that it'd be easier for the casual wine drinker to understand wine reviews if some wine committee would come along and mandate reviewers also tell us what more common things taste like. Like grey goose versus ketel, or hersheys versus cadbury. Instead we get descriptions of things having hints of qumquat...lol....seriously i've seen it. I'm too lazy to figure this out, and I imagine most 2 buck chuck buyers are too...but maybe I'm the one persisting this stereotype......RIGHT!!!

In any case, I think grey goose is wonderfully mild and smooth even if it lacks flavor, and I like the silky sweet goodness of cadburys over hersheys. And when it comes to 2 buck chuck, or at least the Merlot, it's fine if you need to have a glass of wine with any ole food, but I wouldn't buy it to taste with cheese and salami...well maybe if i wanted to get drunk on the cheap...though that usually has repurcussions...particularly with red wine. Oh and everytime I stray away from the Goose on nites out where I drink vodka...I always regret it. The goose just doesn't leave you with that icky feeling next day.

Hrrrrmmm....such a fitting continuation...

2009-01-18T20:26:00.000-08:00

Well I can at least be happy that I know the next two weeks I'll barlely be sleeping with the Australian Open coverage on TV. And at least ESPN2 will have the HD coverage, since time warner doesn't have tennis channel HD.

The bimmer gets it's first service tomorrow. This is when I find out how free, free service is. I'm good for free service to 100K miles, which is really nice, though the runflat tires are really expensive. I'll have to figure out if I wanna stick with them or not....though I probably will care less once i'm working again. I was originally thinking of taking the car to Brecht but after getting hammered on the price of the tires and their way too expensive alignment over christmas, when I probably didn't need it, when i told the guy I needed to save money, when I could've gone to Cunningham and paid only 100 bucks, I've decided I won't go to Brecht for any future service. The whole experience just left a bitter taste. Plus Cunningham's regular price for alignment was easily over 100 bucks cheaper to begin with...WTF!!!

And on the same subject, how about this one. Someone you've been dating for 3 months, you're having a great time, nice guy, goes off the phillipines for a month, you guys email each other, you miss him, he misses you (or so i surmise from the emails we were exchanging) comes back to tell you that he just wants to be friends. AAAAGGGGHHHH! I suppose the excuse is halfway decent, having to ponder choices and where to live and so on. I can comprehend the pressure, but it would have been a lot nicer if we could've ended this before he left, or if I didn't feel led on by the emails.....uggh...cest la vie! In the end, probably for the best, and it does kinda explain for me why certain aspects were missing from that lil relationship. Now where's my lil black book...muhahha!

Next week it's back to vegas!!! Yes again!!! This time with the parents and with comped rooms from Treasure Island....should be fun! I don't expect to be spending a whole lotta money with the 'rents around, so that'll be a good change from my usual trips. I think they wanna see the new casinos and considering all their nevada trips have been to freakkin Laughlin, this ought to be way better. It's a mid week trip as well, so it won't be as crowded, traffic should be okay. And with my last visits to my parents going well, I'm looking forward to it.

Ahh the new year!

2009-01-10T01:25:00.000-08:00

So I guess a lot has happened since the beginning of december. Nothing too new on the job hunt front. I'm still waiting to hear from a company I interviewed with back in december though. They had a hiring freeze but according to the recruiter I was working with wanted to bring me in as a contractor after the new year. The latest I've heard is that they wanted to know if I was still interested and availiable. That was earlier this week so hopefully next week, I'll hear some positive news. Aside from that, some other friends have agreed to pass my resume around to folks in their companies, and so far that seems to be the way to get a jump in the job process, so here's hoping things open up for me.

I went to vegas a couple times last month as well. One of my friends got comped for a couple nites at Wynn and that was a lot of fun. I got comped 3 nites at Mirage including 150 bucks of freeplay, not too shabby. Unfortunately I was supposed to head up to LA on xmas eve but got a flat out in Temecula, so I missed a super duper xmas eve dinner in Poshadena....doh! I did spend some time with family after new years so that was good.

So I've been relaxing and vacationing and a little bit of shopping towards the end of the year, and I think I'm finally ready to get back into the swing of things. I'm finally summonsing the energy to look at the job boards and see if i need to brush up on some skills. Hopefully things will start happening in the next few weeks or so. I'm talkin to my lil network as well, so with my brains and confidence something ought to come out of it.

Oh and now that I have medical insurance, which with a private plan for me is waaaay cheaper than Cobra, I got my ear fixed thanks to antibiotics and I'm back on the path. Perhaps more on yoga in another post =)

Best Week Ever!!!

2008-12-01T01:56:00.000-08:00

Vegas...Thanksgiving...Clubbin in LA...Parties in Daygo...Smashing Pumpkins. Awesome!!! =)

America....fuck yeah!!!

2008-11-16T03:52:00.000-08:00

Oh man, isn't this country great. We elect a black president, continuously decide to ban gay marriage, and yet crowds and crowds can protest relatively peacefully about it, while some sit at home and sulk, and others like me just try to catch up on their sleep. All this while the economy is gone to hell, home prices have fallen harder than ever, layoffs rise, and consumer confidence is at a modern time historic low.

Any other country, and we'd be burning things up, trying to overthrow the government, god knows what. I think it speaks volumes about the spirit of America. A constant effort and belief that things in this country ultimately move in the right direction. I've certainly felt that way since the election a couple weeks ago. After all, the only thing that is guaranteed is that things will ultimately change.

Anyone remember the WAV file?

2008-11-12T04:07:00.000-08:00

Ugh....I'm up late filling out some questionaire for an employer, and while it's kinda helpful in terms of forcing me to look up shit I had forgotten since I haven't really had to do actual programming a whole lot this year, I'm kinda not really in the mood at the moment...Must force myself to do this.....don't want to become a complacent unemployed person. Hmm....wonder if under Obama I'd benefit more by not working.....lol....kidding!!!

Anyways, I was chatting with a buddy on IM who's also up at this ungodly hour, and I was talking about the days before Kazaa, Morpheus, and yes, even beloved Napster. Back in those days, 95, 96, when MP3s hadn't yet taken hold like they have now, we basically only had the winamp player, if even that.....I just remember some german name like Frauhoffer. MP3s were soo cool when we discovered them, because if we wanted to share music with friends, we had to resort to sending WAV files, back then over less than 56K speeds, and the file sizes averaged something at the time ungodly like 10MB per minute (we had to compress them using lower quality encoding to get reasonable sizes....usually still meant at least a 10MB file). MP3s on the other hand were only 1MB per minute for good quality....and amazingly enough....almost still are. (on a side note, my love affair with the smashing pumpkins started with a wav file of '1979' that a friend sent to me when i had a 14.4 modem....lol...those were the days). Then we discovered mp3s could be downloaded from other folks, and suddenly all this music was availiable. Not too many folks had access to the internet, let alone the technology for mp3 at the time. CD Burners weren't even as widely economical as i recall. Back then you either got music from your friends in the know, or from bots off IRC channels like #mp3. Eventually other folks would set up ftp servers off their home computers and trade logins if you had good stuff to offer them. This expanded to actual web pages offering up files, which eventually led to Napster, Morpheus, Kazaa, and intervention by the RIAA once it really started taking off on college campuses. And the rest as they say is history.....now wasn't that fun! =)

Read more here: Guess it was Fraunhofer.....but I was close: http://www.iis.fraunhofer.de/EN/bf/amm/mp3history/mp3history03.jsp

Rant and raves...about the election of course!!!

2008-11-06T02:16:00.000-08:00

Oh where to begin on this one!!! I have friends who fall all over the spectrum on this election, but ya know...it's my blog....so i'm gonna say my 2 cents....muhahaha!

I think it's absolutely amazing that Obama won. I mean I dunno that I really expected a black president so soon in my lifetime, if ever, and I think it speaks volumes about America that we are here. Particularly knowing the story of my parents and what they went through coming up as black Americans, knowing the history of civil rights in this country, knowing relatively recent events that have touched on racial issues in this country. I think it validates my sense that the nation by and large has moved beyond a lot of issues....as far as blacks are concerned. Now when it comes to Latinos and Arabs, well, that's a whole other story...but let's not go there in this post. I also think Obama has a lot of great qualities, is extremely intelligent, and ran a fairly consistent and mostly positive race overall. So here's my toast to him and the hope that he's re inspired in America!

HAVING SAID ALL THAT...here's what I didn't like(warning...ranting):

1) Sarah Palin - I devoted a whole entry about this moose killa from wasilla. My only issues with her was her astonishing lack of knowledge about civics, geography, her lack of concern about understanding a problem in order to solve it (global warming), and that her folksy overconfidence in her ignorance reminded me way too much of W.
2) John McCain's courting of the social conservatives...who frankly don't give a damn about us gays much at all. Fortunately they didn't matter so much this time (well cept for that gay marriage ban bullshit...but not gonna go there this post).
3) The undercurrent of racism present in the use of Obama's middle name, and the mischaracterization of him as a muslim. I think Colin Powell summed it up best for me. Even if he were Muslim, why would it be an issue, they're freakking dying for us in Iraq too.
4) Accusations of "palling around with terrorists." I'll let the Washington Post do the dirty work for me here: http://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/2008/02/obamas_weatherman_connection.html.
5) Rev Wright. Having grown up in a black church and knowing the ridiculous oratory freedoms black preachers take at times, I never found too much ado about this story. Particularly when I went on youtube and listened to the rest of the "chickens come home to roost" sermon, its actually not that bad, I think they caught him at a bad moment...even Mike Huckabee defended him on Morning Joe. I can understand though some pause here, but having learned from a PBS documentary that Obama picked the church more for clout in the black community, having watched the entirety of the excerpt of the sermon, and realizing most folks haven't researched that issue to even those meager depths, I chalk this controversy up to failure to research and/or lack of understanding about the dumb things that get said in black churches (maybe another blog post someday about dumb things said in all churches).
6) Obama is a socialist. Oh gawd....please someone just shoot the idiots that keep spouting off on this one. Aside from the contradictions of Joe the Shit4Brains, consider the implications of such programs as Social Security and Medicare, the Earned Income Tax Credit, or even historical taxation principles. Once again, I'll let someone else do the heavy lifting: http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2008/10/31/socialism/
7) Misogyny. Poor Hillary got the shaft, and not in a good way either. Republicans have hated her since she entered the white house. I had heard that the Obama folks were also doing this to her so I tried to look it up, since I really wasn't following this race too closely until after the nominee was decided. Michelle O took a jab at her, and Obama called a reporter "sweetie." Not exactly giant smoking gun territory to me, but i'm sure if I were on the Hillary bandwagon all along I'd be feelin this one too. As far as accusations that they didn't take Palin seriously...well...I never took Palin seriously...and not cuz she's a woman....but I've already ranted on that. Hillary gets an honorary purple heart from me here though. She's been through the ringer so much...but such unfortunately was the case before Obama came on the scene, it would be a little naive for me to fault him too much for taking advantage of it...particularly given the thrilling drama of their showdown.
8) and finally...just the way McCain's campaign sold himself to the devil trying to win this thing. I swear, part of the pain that seemed ever present in McCain's step must have had something to do with letting those idiots from W's campaign run the show, mud slinging and all. Apparently the Straight Talk Express crashed and burned somewhere and they all hopped on Scorched Earth Airlines...aye-ya!

In any case, it's like i said at the beginning, Obama's ability to pull this off in spite of the obstacles really gives me hope, and I think it gives a lot of other folks hope too...so we'll see where this thing goes.

I just wanna sleep

2008-11-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

So the last couple weeks have felt a bit crazy. I got to deal with getting laid off again, watching my stocks go down the hole, watching the mess that is the election. And for me, whenever it feels like too much is going on, the first thing to go is my sleep. So I haven't really been able to sleep well at all the last couple weeks. My Ambien prescription is close to running out too, and even that hasn't really helped. SIGH!!!

It really is a fitting end to the Bush years. I still remember watching election night in 2004 and that feeling of emptiness when Kerry lost, a feeling of disillusionment. I kinda just stepped away and figured we're just gonna get what we deserve with that pick. So it's hard to even try to follow the current election. I've cut off coverage. Hell Tuesday eve, I'll be at the Madonna concert, thinkin about something other than the presidential election.

And perhaps one of these days, I will actually sleep again.

OMG...someone commented on my blog

2008-10-25T09:09:00.001-07:00

It's worthy of an entry cuz nobody else does (my friends won't acquiesce to my attention whore needs by posting anything...lol)

...and they recognized me....lol....so much for attempted anonymity. So now I gotta guess who it is. The screen name sounds familiar. Clearly we were in a UCSB summer program at the same time....argh....who is it? They better IM me back cuz they already know my screenname...lol.

My guess: latino guy i saw at HS Decathlon competition........yes? no? we'll find out...

OMG Really!!!

2008-10-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

So much to my disbelief...I have been laid off...AGAIN!!! This time after only 2 weeks at the new job. Actually I was there 11 days. One of my old coworkers joked with me that she shouldn't stand next to me in a lightning storm....SIGH!

In the meantime, I put my hunt for Macbook Pro on hold, and settled on a very affordable and very much loaded Dell XPS system for the time being...more to come!

So I noticed today that...

2008-10-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

...there were people sitting in my block list on AIM that I now can't even remember what they did to piss me off. I know 2 of them are psychos. There's a couple guys I went on dates with in there too that I probably don't wanna have the pleasure of talking to again. And then just a couple names I can't remember at all. I think one might've been in the army and was like a pseudo im stalker or some shit like that....oh well whatevers.

And then I also noticed that i was feeling more sluggish around the tennis courts of late. Not like horridly slow, but just not as quick off the wire as I had gotten used to. So i made the fatal mistake of weighing myself at the gym today...lol. Let's just say i need to lose 10 lbs to get back to where i was last year, and really 20 lbs to get to where I want to be going forward. It's definitely doable...but I gotta commit to the stuff I was really good about last year before I came down with mono. Crap like controlling portions, and eating breakfast, and going to the gym every day.....eeesh!

Things that are weird...

2008-10-13T02:48:00.000-07:00

...include hanging out with your friend and his ex when they are both drunk.....awkward!!!

This weekend, the low tire pressure light came on in both my car and my roomies. At first we thought maybe it was some sort of evil radio signal sent from the BMW factory, but realized it was probably the cold weather that triggered the pressure too low. In any case, now I gotta figure out how to reset the damn thing.

On friday I finally saw Eagle Eye. What a go go go movie. I have to say though I totally enjoyed it. I was so tired after work too...I almost wish I could've slept through it, but it was far too enticing, and I really wanted to hang out with a new buddy of mine, so ya know...take one for the team!

Unfortunately doubles this weekend didn't quite go as well. We bounced from a 0 3 deficit in the third set only to double fault at Ad-in at 3-4, a must win point. Doh! But I did play some singles afterward and beat someone who beat me in the finals of a tournament last year, so that boosted the confidence way up.

First week of work also went well. I gotta say I think I'm gonna like it here....more to come!

Sarah Palin is just gosh darn wrong for me

2008-10-03T05:57:00.001-07:00

A few thoughts after watching the veep debates and the media circus leading into it. The media is utterly ridiculous in this country. One very refreshing thing about having been in Canada last week was I got to watch the CBC for a couple hours. It's downright serious, and covers issues, and the stories are relevant and aren't covered in fluff in pundits. It's un-American...lol...considering the Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, Bill OReilly crap we have to put up with for cable news here in the states. No insane flashy graphics up north, no non-stop talking heads, no giant media-tron board with 20 other plasmas goin in the background. That same fluff is all that was being discussed in the leadup to the debates last nite. All about what Palin needs to do. How she basically needs to not come off as an idiot....aye ya! REALLY??? Tell me she needs to do more...please.

I'm also happy because it was the first time this whole election season I got to really see and hear Joe Biden. Barely recognize the man's photo until last nite, and given what went down in the debate, I'm pretty impressed. He's pretty much sealed the deal for me.

And finally, I don't get whatever bits of America is in love with Sarah Palin. Sure she's intelligent intelligent, shes the freakkin govenor of Alaska. I'm guessing you have to be a lil more than an idiot to get there......then again...Dubya. In any case, I don't get why folks want someone completely isolated from the dynamics of Washington, who was completely uninterested in such a high profile job, and who clearly has to be coached by the GOP on talking points. Am I the only one seeing the irony. In her convention speech, she bashes Obama as needing on the job training....('scuse me). In her debate tonite, she agrees with Cheney's tenets about some phony expanded role of the vice president ('scuse me). And since when is not answering questions in a debate (the only debate they're gonna have), equivalent to somehow "having a conversation with America".....bah! I don't buy it. It's absolute lunacy. I just gotta believe America is somehow better than this...to fall for this crap. At least, if you're gonna vote republican, tell me it's about taxes, government, anything....but don't give me the bullshit about how great Sarah Palin is....i ain't buyin.

The vacation recap

2008-10-02T00:41:00.000-07:00

SBS...sounds terrible doesn't it. Well it is. Shitty boss syndrome. But I'm recovering with the help of severance, vacation, and a new job. In the meantime, here's the recap of the week in LA, Seattle and Vancouver.

Friday: drive up to la with "the tall one"...lol. (love my attempted anonymity). We got a room at the Hyatt Century City on Priceline. Somehow we both managed to bring our own bottles of Crown and diet coke, so we happily welcomed in Friday nite with a couple drinks. After a nice little buzz set in, we got "the blazer" to pick us up from the hotel, and off to Rage we go. Drink, drink, drink...momentary makeout moment...dance, drink, leave. And then off to Norms for mandatory drunken food intermission with the boys. Somehow the blazer got the hiccups, and back to the hotel we go.

Saturday: Wake up late, check out of the hotel, lunch in Santa Monica with the blazer and the tall one. Then walked around a lil bit, did some shopping. Went to weho with the tall one to get some coffee, and then went to visit a friend in Roland Heights where we'd be spending the nite. Then it was off to a pool party for another friend's 30th birthday. Booze, booze, jump in the hot tub...lol. Then finally some late nite Pho (was really good), and back to sleep.

Sunday: Dim Sum at a place that had received a "C" from the food folks. Then coffee, then the drive back to SD. Then packed and drove to my parents in LA to get ready for my flight to seattle. (was a lot cheaper to fly out of LA which made it easier to....)

Monday: Drive to airport, park at Lot C, checkin to Virgin America. Accepted the offer to upgrade to first class for 100 bucks.....sooo worth it! =) Real food, a plate, unlimited drinks, in a glass, dessert, chocolates, big cushy chair that reclines, and being allowed to be first on and off the plane makes it feel like only 7 other people are flying on there with you.

Tuesday: Ugh...starting to feel sick...but I really wanna see vancouver again, so we drive up. Staying at the Hyatt there, also booked on priceline. Have dinner at The Keg. Run into gay waiter and get him to give me the 411 on gay vancouver. Venture out that evening to the Fruit Loop...lol...and hit up a couple bars. Run into a really nice older dude who buys us all beers while my friend and him discuss how much they love Barack Obama.....not too shabby i suppose. Oh and I got hit on by a sketchy guy near the bathroom.....whatever!

Wed: Head back to seattle. Get more sleep. Go out to sushi. Not long after, return the sushi to the sea....haha! More sleep

Thu: Even more sleep. Finally have dinner with an old coworker of mine who now works at Microsoft. Really great dinner....good food, good conversation. Folks like that so hard to come by.

Fri: Roam around seattle a bit, but largely head to the airport. Decide to upgrade to 1st class again. All in all 370 r/t for firstclass LA to seattle...not too shabby! Head out to porter ranch to spend the evening.

Sat: Hot as hell in porter ranch. Decide to wash the bimmers and go get dinner with some friends from high school. On the way, meet up with online buddy who's visiting long beach. Had coffee with him for all of 10 minutes....lol....before racing off to dinner. Japanese....yummy! Then karaoke, then drive back to SD...yay home!

And then I ain't done shit all week....lol. But work starts Monday, so it ain't so bad to chill right now.

Closing the chapter...

2008-09-17T01:41:00.000-07:00

So finally some good news, but before I go there I should close out the chapter on my old job. It is completely fitting that my last conversation with my manager pretty much sums up the experience I've had working for her the last 2 and a half years. If you know me, then you know much I've loved my boss. Last Friday was, you may recall, my last day there. I was screwed out of a position working for a group doing online development by a hiring freeze in the dept that was going to be funding the position. Monday morning, I check my gmail to see that I have an email from my now-ex-manager indicating that my award for submitting an idea for patent went through. For a second, I thought it was kinda nice that she forwarded it to me and I replied "woo hoo! money for vegas." To which she replied something along the lines of "you better check that out, i don't think they send money to people who are no longer employees"...which made me wonder why the hell she was sending me the notice the Monday after I left to begin with. What a fucking bitch! AAAGH! In any case, fuck her, cuz I had already verified before I left that they'd send me a check for the money, so I just happily wrote back "yeah, well I already checked before I left...onward to vegas!" So yeah, that pretty much sums up what I've been feeling the last 2 and a half years. Why the hell did I ever stay under her. 2 and a half years of ideas shot down, doubting my passion, not perceiving my value. No wonder I've felt so shitty in that position. My favorite project there was just this year, working under another manager who really supported me, was encouraging, and didn't passively question every damn thing I did. Not too surprising that the true me shined and led that group to some pretty good wins. Alas though, I leave with a better appreciation for forging a relationship with my manager, and with a pretty good severance package...so be it!

Now on to happier news. Turns out that the position I had turned down originally to attempt to stay at my old company was not filled, and once I had squared away with the hiring manager that indeed did want the job, and that I wouldn't leave on moment's notice if my old company came calling, he pretty much offered me the position again. This new company doesn't quite have all the perks and benefits of my old company, and it's way smaller and newer, but it sounds like a fun challenge. I like the office, I like the team, I like the energy and the vibe I get when I visit. I was reminded of all this when I stopped by earlier today to drop off my signed acceptance letter. I'm really looking forward to the challenge, the experience, and just the chance to do something different. I'm hoping that it's a sign that the office also just so happens to be attached to a tennis court that's available for use. So here's a virtual toast to a new chapter in life.

We have nothing to fear but dumb presidents

2008-09-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

Oh man, Tina Fey is hilarious as Palin. It's an uncanny resemblance, and that whole way of speaking. What doesn't seem to funny to me though is how madly in love America all of a sudden is with the real Palin. She steps out of nowhere to become possibly second in line to "leader of the free world" where the first in line would be a 72 year old multiple cancer sufferer. Has this country lost it's freakkin mind. VPILF is now the only requirement for a female president. Aye-ya! This really oughta just say it all. The SNL sketch succinctly points out the absurdity of it all. The woman clearly isn't ready for this big a "big time". It would be like me interviewing for a freakkin CTO position at this point, and folks loving me for it cuz the last black guy was soo terrible. I think what we're seeing with Palin is the Repub's wet dream of what they wish Hillary Clinton could be...a VPILF.

In other news, I now join the ranks of the jobless. I turned down an offer at another company in order to stay put at my company in what really sounded like an exciting position. Only to be cut off on my last day by a hiring freeze by that particular organization. What a load of crap. Least I'll get the severance payday. But really, I'd rather be employed. Agh! Frustration. So do I call up the other company I was struggling over, or take some time off and contemplate or look at other companies. Ugh! This rollercoaster ride is getting bumpy!

It's either the end...or the re-beginning

2008-09-10T15:30:00.000-07:00

So this Friday will either be my last day at work, or the first day in a new position at work. Amazing how at this point I don't know. Apparently, the position I accepted with the new group will be funded by a different business unit than the one I will be working in. And the funding group is reassessing head count/etc. So the decision to even open up the req will come down to them which I have been promised will have an answer by Friday. What a fucked up situation. Here I am having turned down a fairly good offer with another company to get this bullshit...agh! Least there's severance. But I'll be pretty pissed if this doesn't go through.

Least Federer won the US Open...that makes me somewhat happy. Though CBS didn't broadcast it locally, so I had to watch a crappy streaming online quality. Man the flash stuff just sucks. NBC's broacast of the Olympics using Silverlight was a WOW experience compared to the usual herky jerky flash experience. Just wait until porn catches up with this...uhhh!! I see an idea flashing through my skull...

What's old is new again

2008-08-20T21:25:00.001-07:00

I stole that title from a pretty big software blogger. In any case, lotta good stuff going on right now. More updates to come soon. In the meantime, I was rummaging through my old MP3 collection to add to the microSD card I just bought for my new cell phone. As I was doing this i realized that the golden era of music for my generation had to be the 90s, particularly the second half. Man that was a good time for modern rock.

The job hunt continues...sorta!

2008-08-10T23:43:00.000-07:00

The past week went by fairly quicly. I interviewed at a small company, and was a bit surprised by how interesting the work sounded there and how knowledgeable the manager was about technology in general. Still though, I may stay put if given the opportunity at my current location in hopes of a bigger mission down the road.

The second half of the week was dominated largely by a scholarship conference I attended in Virginia. I was part of the first class of scholars from the program and now they're up to 11 classes. It was really amazing and inspiring to see so many successful young black people like me making it. We were all happy to see each other again, reassociate with everyone, make contacts.

What really surprised me is how many of the guys turned out to be gay also. I think there's something about education that ultimately attracts gay guys because i think we all know it provided an upward mobility that allows us to control our lives and not feel like we have to deal with the issues society has about being gay. Also, studying hard gets you away from the taunting b-ball players who don't seem to want you on their team. In any case, I like making those contacts again, so it was well worth the effort to fly all the way out there

It's just another manic Sunday....oooooooooh!

2008-07-27T15:58:00.001-07:00

How odd is it that these past two weeks, I've had the best conversations with my manager than I've ever had before. Guess all the pressure is off now, so maybe it's just the way things were meant to be. In any case, Friday was the team goodbye lunch and my manager expressed how much she didn't like any of the places we had picked to do lunch before. But she liked the place she picked to eat at that day. Though the restaurant was downright unimpressive. Just some shi-shi looking place in Del Mar that had rather uninspiring, not very impressive typical American fare. I mean maybe I've been watching too much Top Chef. But a menu where one of the 4 salad choices is Seared Ahi...yawn! It's typical though...all show and pomp.

And I think i've been overdoing the one-hander a lil bit. My wrist hurts to all hell, so its a break from tennis this week. Meanwhile the recruiters are blowing up the phone now that I've actually written a resume, so perhaps I'll focus on that and preparing for interviews.

Oh and maybe i should figure out how to work the memory seats and audio settings in my car, cuz I still haven't read through it yet. The car came with 6 different manuals, all for different aspects of the car. One for the stereo, one for the operations, so on and so forth. One nice touch though, is they'll send little gifts in the mail every now and then. My roommate got a nice print of his Z4, and so far I've gotten a spoken word CD along with a DVD touting the car's sportiness. Gotta love the germans! =)

Thoughts on Federer

2008-07-23T22:54:00.001-07:00

So apparently the Fed Express is teetering on the brink. He didn't defend his Australian title. Two American players prevented him from winning in Indian Wells or Miami earlier this year (Mardy Fish of all people). He suffers from mono...well guess that makes the results understandable. But then he puts out a subpar performance in the French final, leading to a very lopsided loss to Nadal, and looks to be heading to a straight sets loss in the final of Wimbledon. And then magic....complete turnaround. Like a king putting up a fight to save the castle, he storms back from the verge of a straight sets loss to take it to a long 5th set in what has almost universally been billed as the greatest tennis match ever...and still he loses....ack!

So it's no surprise he loses in the first round of Toronto today, first match back. Seemingly losing his cool after a bad line call and muttering his way to a loss in 3 sets to a player he should own. Makes me wonder what happened when Sampras descended the throne!!!

Fed seems to be suffering from his own extreme expectations. Would make sense to me how this cool Mallorcan Nadal can get in his head so easily.

I'm going to hurl if I have any more pride

2008-07-20T01:25:00.000-07:00

Yay, it's SD Pride weekend. Which means I get to repeat every last pride I've been to in the past 8 years. Pride is:

a) a commercial for Bud Light
b) half nekkid muscle queens
c) the sisters of perpetual indulgence
d) the graduation of the latest flock of gays into twinkhood
e) long lines at the club
f) kinda like every other weekend in your gay town....but times 10

So yeah I'm a little cynical on prides. But nowadays I like to watch the freakshow that it is, especially san francisco. Actually in terms of going out to drink and chill and just have fun, San Francisco has got SD beat in spades. There's more people, more diversity, and you can be whatever the hell you want to be. SD has the better weather and a more scenic location. You can people watch and airliner watch if you want. ha!

Bah! Now I have to actually do something

2008-07-17T00:44:00.000-07:00

So I got word on Monday that I'm getting kicked outta the company. Well not really the company but out of the group i'm in. And not really *kicked* out, but given notice that my position was "affected" by the workforce reduction efforts going on through out the company. And like any good employee, I put on my happy face and proceeded to happy hour. A couple of pomegranate martinis, and several choice words about management, and I am transformed into the incredible hulk. Well not that bad, but I did spend all day Tuesday calling management these few choice words to all my friends. One more happy hour on Tuesday, this time with coworkers, and I pretty much decide two things:

1. I think i'm not all that mad anymore
2. Happy hour with straight coworkers can be painful. I mean really, once the talk turns to girls...i'm mentally out...another margarita please!!!

So another thing that cheered me up was that I had a pleasant meeting with my boss today where she indicated that I really don't need to come in unless I want or need to. And I got more leads on a new job, and saw there are jobs posted inside the company, so I feel optimistic. And then there's the looming severance pay should I leave. And word that senior engineers at other companies around here are making 100K and up...so I'm not feeling too bad at all at the moment.

In the meantime, my new friend is Scramble on Facebook. I tried googling for tips but haven't really found any useful tactics. So far I'm sticking to a heuristic I've developed from just playing it over and over. But we shall see...

Finally a first post

2008-07-13T15:58:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....I was gonna blog about impending news this week of whether or not I'll get laid off. But truth be told, I'm not overly concerned. Even if they do lay me off, I'm smart and determined so I'll be fine. Just really sucks to be told to wait 2 weeks to hear whether or not you're on the list while management in the meantime decides that it's "moot" whether or not to give us more information despite knowing that they know more. argh!

Instead I'll rant on breakups. When is it time to pull the plug? I hung out with a friend this week who seems to be on the verge of ending his 4 month foray into love with someone who sounds like a total bastard. I mean honestly, what do you make of someone who's only gift to you was purchased with someone else's debit card they found....jeesus! Of course, like a lot of folks, he's struggling with the pain of losing someone versus knowing what's the right thing for him to do. Sometimes the heart just doesn't wanna do what the brain interprets as common sense. Part of me says "c'mon...this is an easy decision". But there's the other part that's hung around in bad relationships for my share of misery that says "yeah i understand...it's hard."

Somehow though I think it'd be a lot easier if gay folks actually had role models and some sort of useful social standards for relationships. It's like that joke about lesbians and uhauls and gay men and the non existent second date. Did the sad and funny become a self affirming prophecy? Well whatever it is, I believe most folks will figure it out, and themselves in the process. Least that's where I seem to be...just kinda funny though how I recognize the pattern repeating itself in the younger generation...eesh. I'm getting old =)